Living with BPD

The Importance of Setting Boundaries

What is there for a loved one to do?

Do you give in to the demands of the person with BPD in hopes of never triggering them? The answer is No

The truth is that healthy boundaries are essential for the well-being of both individuals with BPD and those around them.

Boundaries refer to the limits individuals set for themselves and their relationships. They come in many forms such as physical, emotional, sexual or psychological. They help individuals define their needs, wants, and expectations in relationships. 

It is important to note that setting boundaries does not mean cutting off individuals with BPD. Instead, boundaries should be set with empathy and understanding of the individual’s struggles. Clear communication, consistency, and understanding are essential for maintaining a healthy relationship with a person with BPD.

creating boundaries - borderline personality disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder - Sanctuary support group
Problem Management

Problem Solving

As carers we should avoid problem solving for our loved ones

Problem Solving could send signal to our loved ones that what they are doing is wrong, but more importantly it creates a dependency on others based on a fear of making their own decisions. This ultimately undermines their growth towards being independent adults. But there are problems that need to be solved, so you use a collaborative approach to “problem management”. Deal with only ONE problem at a time. Consider your own role in the problem – is it really such a big problem or am I being too picky? As part of problem management, explain that you want to find a collaborative solution. Define the problem and express YOUR feelings about it. Ask for what you want(to happen). Reinforce your willingness to help and work together. Sometimes it is good to start with something small to resolve or tackle a major problem in several small steps. The skills of effective problem management are taught in the Free Family Connections® course.

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